is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
