found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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