i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
