A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
