Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
