You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
