I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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