her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
