Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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