I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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