Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize