i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
