Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Less talking, more tequila
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize