I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
