So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
