if you like me you must not know who I am
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
