I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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