i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
