We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
