I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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