Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
