That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
