If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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