I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
