FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
