I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
