I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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