He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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