I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
