im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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