fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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