your thong is hanging out like whoa
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize