wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
