He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
