:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
