we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
