I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
