come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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