If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
