This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
