One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
