My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
