I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
