I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize