just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
