there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
