WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I understand Curling. That high.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
