Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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