After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
