Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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