Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
