Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who died my cat blue again?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
