We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
