Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
