Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
