I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
