he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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