Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
