Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize