Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
