# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
