party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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