I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
