good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize