Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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