i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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