She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
