I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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