i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
