The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
