I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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