Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
