she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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