I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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