dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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