Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
