At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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