i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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