wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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