The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A bitchslap is in order.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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