I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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