Your face is a jimmy john
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
