Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
