You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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