you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
