you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
