i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
