is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
