yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
