Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
