I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
