dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I see more hoeing in ur future
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
